Memento Mori
by sydney563
Summary: My one-shot entry for the 4X05 contest. Read and enjoy! and thank you for voting for me!


Even though she left the room, full of the usual strength she always carried in her eyes, I could hear the slight gasp when her heels stopped clicking right outside the door. A gasp that told me she was trying not to cry.

I had broken her heart again. The third, fourth, fifth or who knows how many times it was now, but I had done it again. I broke the heart of the one woman and person I would love until my puny existence as a human finally came to an end in this fae world.

I had to fight to not chase after her, grab her and run. Say yes to everything she proposed in finding freedom for us. Then those proposals became like all the ones before throughout my life. A promise of freedom wrapped up in a cage of some extenuating circumstance. She would have to claim me; we would have to still operate under the laws of the fae while running from the Una Mens.

I couldn't resist and took two steps before my resolve forced me to stop. I had a plan and I needed to follow through on it. I let out a slow breath, hearing her heels click away. Harder and angrier.

I dropped my head, looking down at the shiny floor of the Morrigan's office. I had to recite to myself over and over. I had a plan and I needed to stick to it. If I did, I would be able to stop running and have the fae run from me.

I took a moment, running my hands over the expensive black dress Evony chose for me. Straightening my head and my back, this would be the beginning of the end. No matter how much it hurt to break Bo's heart with lies and fringe truths, she would understand in the end.

I hoped she would.

I left Evony's office and went back to the apartment the light fae had given me all those years ago. A clean and comfortable prison cell. No matter how hard I tried to decorate the apartment with my art or the little things that made a place a home, it was still my prison cell. I was an indentured slave and servant with nice furniture. I sighed hard, moving up to my bedroom to change and continue packing.

I climbed out of the dress and the equally as expensive shoes, placing both in the box with my other dresses and shoes for the moving truck. I had only started packing the day before with Evony hovering over me and prattling on about how the dark fae would treat me like a human, that I would have the freedom I sought out for years with the freedom to move around as I so chose.

I let the soft t-shirt fall over me as my arms slid in. Tying my hair up in a ponytail I went back downstairs to my small home lab. I had to get to work on step one of my plans before the dark fae movers showed up in the morning to cart away my things.

Sitting at my desk I pulled open the bottom drawer, lifting the false bottom and removing the last few years of research I had been working on that was now complete. I had made the last breakthrough during Bo's dawning. In an attempt to find something to slow down her devolving into an underfae, I had unlocked the biggest secret to the fae genetics that had suddenly given me all of the power in their world.

I set the thick pile of notes and formulas, placing my hands on top. I was three steps away from setting it all in motion, then everything went to hell and time became a blur. Life became a blur and I had to break her heart and run, make her and the rest of them think I had taken the next best offer of promised freedom. Turn against them and choose the enemy, which was the furthest from the truth but realized far too late for them to ask for my forgiveness.

I dug through the other drawers, looking for a pen when I came to the top drawer. Sliding it open, running my hands over rulers and notepads, I noticed something was missing. Something I had placed in that drawer to be dealt with later.

The necklace I wanted to give Bo before our break and everything fell to hell, was gone. I bent down and searched frantically around the drawer, anger building thinking that Evony had taken it as another bargaining chip or carrot to dangle in front of Bo's face.

I couldn't find it, slamming the drawer in frustration I stood up. Walking over to my phone to text that she -beast Morrigan.

"Are you looking for this?"

Her voice would always stop my heart, had from the first moment I met her. Even tinged anger, it would always stop me cold.

I turned to Bo, standing in the middle of my apartment. She looked different then when I saw her earlier. She was harder, sadder and determined. Wearing her usual black tank top, black leather jacket, black tight pants with her knife strapped across her thighs, she still looked impossibly gorgeous and sent my body and heart in motion.

Bo held out the long white jewelry box in her palm, outstretched towards me.

I slowly set my phone down, my resolve crumbling slowly the more the seconds passed as I looked at her. I had to stay strong, "Bo, I am glad you are here." I succeeded in hiding the emotion in my voice by the way she grit her teeth.

I motioned for her to take a seat, "I want to talk to you about earlier."

Bo shook her head, setting the white box down on my table, "There is nothing more to talk about Lauren, you made it pretty clear at the Morrigan's. Pretty clear that I have no place in your life right now." she folded her arms like she always did right before she pouted when I delayed bending to her seduction right away. "I came to return this and tell you that I can't do this anymore Lauren."

I let my eyes fall to the white box, "Bo, this is a strange time for all of us, a difficult time with the Una Mens and both sides struggling to survive." I moved closer to the table. "We all need to stick together, figure out what happens next." I was filling the room with inconsequential conversation; I was on the edge of breaking and telling Bo my plan. The plan that I was doing all for her. Everything I had done in the last few years was for her and her alone.

"I can't do this, us, anymore Lauren." It came out hard, harder than I had ever known the succubus to speak towards me. Bo suddenly stopped, mouth twitching as she found her strength, "You broke my heart, again, at Evony's. You keep breaking my heart, Lauren. Every time I think we get to a place where I see nothing but the road ahead for us. You push me away, lie to me, and make up some bullshit excuse why you can't just come with me. Be with me." Bo swallowed hard as tears filled the deep brown eyes that held my entire world. Bo stepped to the table, pointing at the white box, "When my memories came back and I escaped that train, you were all I thought of. How to get back to you, find you and tell you that the break is over. I would do everything in my power to find you and set you free. Free to be with me and find the normal life we both want and deserve, together. I didn't care who you were, I just know I love you, Lauren."

I stood frozen, listening to the woman that had made me feel so much in the short few years I had known her. It was because of her I finally started fighting back, fighting for my freedom and stop feeling sorry for myself and the mistakes I made. I moved closer and sat on the edge of the couch, between the table and the frustrating and incredible woman only I could tame.

Bo shifted in her stance, "I found that necklace when Kenzi and I were trying to clues where to find you." She took a deep breath, "The note. It. It made me realize that even though my nature as a succubus will always make it difficult for me to be monogamous." she looked up and met my eyes, "I will only ever love one person with my whole heart. You Lauren. It would only ever be you." She took a step back, "But I can't do this. I am not dark. This is something I will reverse because it's not my choice." Bo looked away from me as a tear slid down her face, "You have made your choice and I understand it. I see that we will always be the impossible romance. No matter what, something will always keep us apart and I don't think I can handle another heartbreak."

She looked up in my eyes holding them for a second before she spoke, her voice trembling with tears, "You've broken my heart for the last time Lauren."

She took another step back and before she could say her goodbye, I spoke. I had too, I couldn't stand it anymore after the woman finally poured her heart out to me and was seemingly giving me what I wanted.

"Bo, do you know that everything I do and have done, has been for you. Pushing you away, breaking your heart a thousand times. Letting you go so you could not struggle with feeding properly and starve yourself?" I sat, my eyes shifting to the box on the table, "For all the times I broke your heart, you broke mine."

Bo huffed in her usual petulant way and went to leave the apartment before I could finish, "Whatever Lauren, I have to go. My family needs me." The emphasis on family was hard and purposeful, letting me know she was going to move on without me.

I stood up from the couch quickly, taking quick strides until my hand was on her wrist. Squeezing with just enough force to get her to stop and whirl around to face me. Dark brown eyes full of hurt and anger, both things I placed there. Bo was angry when she hissed, "Let go of me."

I held tighter, my voice rising to meet hers, "No, Bo. Let me finish." I held her eyes as I continued, "Love isn't easy. Lovers hurt each other and break hearts; it's all a part of this cycle of life. It's how we learn to survive." I took a deep breath in, holding her as she tried to squirm away. I knew I only had a few more minutes before the succubus started to take a hold from anger, "You and I shouldn't work. There is a million reasons why, one being our different biological imperatives."

Bo squinted harder at me, "Let me go Lauren before I get angry." I knew was two minutes away from the blue eyes replacing the brown.

I slid my hand from her wrist to find hers, my fingers still fitting perfectly with hers, "You have changed my life Bo. You made me want to fight after I broke your heart the first time. Every day since then I have made all of my decisions and actions based on love and wanting to find the freedom to love you like I need to and you deserve." I dropped her hand when I didn't feel her make any move to return the hold. I looked up in her eyes, "Every stupid thing I do that pushes you further away from me, infuriates you and makes you think twice about my true motives is all for you. Every time I break your heart it's because I am trying to fight my way out of this stupid fae world and find my freedom to be a human again." I paused as my own tears threatened to fall, "For us to be able to love and be in love without having to look over our shoulders and wonder when the next Garuda, the next Taft and the next round of Una Mens maniacs is going to break down the door and ask more from us."

I took a step back from Bo, fighting the urge to just pull her in my arms and hold her, never let her go. "You make me want to stop running, stand my ground and fight for the woman I love. I have never wanted to do that in the last five years. I just bowed and cowered to this almighty race of fools." I turned and walked to my desk.

I couldn't hide from her anymore. The heartache was now overwhelming. I was losing her for good and ultimately if I lost her, there was no real reason other than to destroy the fae out of revenge. I would become Taft without her love grounding me.

I threw the piles of research on the couch, pages fluttering to the floor, "I am done, Bo. I am done breaking your heart and hiding from you." I pointed at the files, "That is why I pushed you away for the thousandth time."

Bo looked at me, her face still riddled with anger but my words had softened her. "What is it? More secret fae formulas to help my hunger or keep me from devolving?" She laughed irritated, "Or is it some secret mind erasing potion to make us all forget we live in this messed up world." Bo shook her head, "Been there and done that Lauren."

I leaned on the edge of my desk, "What if I told you that I was in the beginning stages of destroying the fae completely. That I had found the key to make all of you human. Bring you down to my level." I looked up slowly at Bo, "That I joined the dark to destroy them from the inside out."

Bo's smug look faded but was still on her face. Her eyes left mine, moving to the files on the couch, "What are you trying to tell me Lauren, just say it." her tone was flippant and lit my temper.

I strode over to the couch and angrily grabbed handfuls of paper, "For the last two years, this is all I have been working on. Unlocking the key to leveling the goddamn playing field for once in my life as a slave to the fae." I flicked page after page back on to the floor, "All those little adventures and missions the Ash sent me out on. I collected and saved samples. Taking them home and working tirelessly to come up with anything. Then I finally found it in Taft's facility. I had to hide it from you again, I had to be the bitchy cold doctor and keep all of you at arm's length so I could hide the truth." I threw the last page on the floor, "All because I am hopelessly in love with you Bo and I cannot see past the one thing I want and have wanted for the last two years." I didn't hear my voice rise to the point of almost yelling until I stopped and looked at Bo. Wide eyed and jaw clenched. I rarely ever yelled at her or showed such a strong frustration towards her. Until now.

I took a calming breath as angry tears poured down my face, "All I want is you, Bo. The freedom to have you and not worry about anything other than how much I love you." I closed my eyes, "That's why I wanted to give you the necklace. A small promise that one day I would make it happen for you and I. Make those dreams of trips to Egypt and kids running around a white picket fence come true."

I fell to sit on the edge of the couch, sobs threatening to spill over, "Everything I have done and will do is for you Bo." I leaned forward, my head in my hands, "You are my family and I want nothing to more than to come home to you, but I couldn't. I can't yet."

I broke and sobbed, letting out the emotions I had been holding in since I let her walk away from me at the Morrigan's office.

I felt her warm hands on my wrists, tugging them gently for me to look up. Bo was crying just as hard as I was. "Lauren." her voice was raspy, her thumbs wiping away my tears she said nothing. Only holding my face with both of her hands. Making me sigh at the touch of her warm and strong hands as they held me.

I looked in her teary eyes, "I love you, Bo."

Bo half smiled, letting out a soft sigh with a sob she bent forward and kissed me. Kissed me unlike all the other times we had kissed. This kiss was deep, intense and full of her letting go of all the anger she held at me. I grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her back, returning the emotion she gave me.

It was the first time in our entire existence together that we were both finally letting go. Letting go of the strange invisible bonds that kept us from giving in completely to one another.

When Bo pulled from my lips, licking them like she always did when we kissed, she opened her eyes, meeting mine she smiled. "Then we do this together. We fight together, we fight for your freedom the way you want and I will stand next to you the whole way." she kissed my cheek, moving closer to my ear to whisper, "You have my whole heart and you are the only one I am human with and the only one I will ever be human with. I love you Lauren." She pulled back, smiling through a breath she stood up.

Holding her hand out for me I took it, letting my fingers fall into hers I wiped my eyes. "You know when I do this; they will never stop hunting me. Hunting the human who can turn the fae." I looked down at our hands, "It will be dangerous."

Bo nodded, and the one smile that melt my heart the first time I saw it, spilled over her face, "It will be dangerous for them, they will have to go through a succubus and a protective girlfriend before they get to you." She moved to the white box, still clutching on to my hand.

Bo scooped the white box up and held it out to me, "Will you do the honors?"

I smiled; slowly removing my hand from hers I opened the box. Lifting the simple necklace with the simple charm that held so much power and meaning in its wrought silver, I held it up. I reached across Bo, clasping the necklace around her neck. I moved back, pressing the charm down against her chest, "Together."

Bo covered my hand, "Together." She slid her arms around my waist and held me close against her. I tucked my chin against her shoulder, breathing in deep the woman in my arms and knowing that this was what I had fought for all these years and would continue to fight for.

I no longer had to hide it from her or anyone else. I was finally able to love Bo completely with everything I had. Even if it meant I was going to overturn the whole balance of an ancient race.

She was worth it.


End file.
